


voices

by igotostay



Series: skz: playlist of our life [3]
Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Panic Attacks, and jjparents are here to save him, author projecting onto hyunjin, hyunjin has a panic attack, jjp, jjproject, wish i had JJParents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igotostay/pseuds/igotostay
Summary: hyunjin never imagined that it would reach this point. where the voices in his head would even harrass him in school, lingering and making him feel dizzy. but he can't escape them, there's so many voices.♡ but thank goodness he has JJParents to save him from himself. with minor stray kids (3RACHA) appearances as per requested.SEQUEL: to 'even a fool knows' but can be read as a standalone!
Relationships: Hinted, Hwang Hyunjin & Im Jaebum | JB, Hwang Hyunjin & Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Series: skz: playlist of our life [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983718
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	voices

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SiERA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiERA/gifts).



> SEQUEL: to 'even a fool knows' but can be read as a standalone!
> 
> TW// descriptions of panic attacks; if it's uncomfortable or triggering, please stop reading!  
> and this is all fictional, yeah? just borrowing skz and got7 characters and dumping my own life experience onto them. 
> 
> ♡ Now they've been going around  
> They're lingering in my mind and making me dizzy (Go away, hey!)  
> Against the voices harassing me  
> I cry out again ♡

hyunjin tossed his signature bomber jacket over his head, desperate to get some sleep before the next class. it had become his usual - as soon as the lunch bell rang, he would run to the school's dance studio, stuff his earphones in and blast his comforting music before drifting into a much needed nap. but today, the static filled his ears as he pulled his earphones out, sighing with annoyance as they immediately felt empty without the soothing voices of his favourite artists.

nevertheless, his head immediately sunk onto his inviting arms, craving the sleep he couldn't get the night before. it had been too quiet, the way he dreaded it to be. they had closed the dance studios early the previous night. and hyunjin was kicked out as soon as 12AM came. and with much reluctance, he had to drag his feet home and make another failed attempt at getting a good night's sleep.

hyunjin should've been exhausted. after hours of school, studying and dancing with no sleep the previous day, he should've been knocked out by now. but as soon as he shut his eyes, though, the same voices flooded into his head.

"are you trying to sleep soundly? don't you remember how worthless you are? do you even deserve sleep?" his head began to throb. "listen. can't you hear the laughter from everywhere? you don't even have anyone there for you. everyone has their own person, the friend they can rely on. no one relies on you and no one will be there for you."

"please... shut up," hyunjin muttered, a tear falling onto his hand.

through the thin fabric of his jacket, everything felt closer than ever. every blurred movement caught his eye, forcing him to cough down a tear-filled choke. every sound rang in his head, each sharp laugh of his schoolmates, each bang of a door.

soon, he was fighting for each breath.  
"one... two..." he counted through each inhale.

the same voice sounded out, "look how weak you are. you can't even breathe like a normal functioning human. do you even know how to count past two?"

his body wracked with coughs as he hunched to get one more breath in. everything hurt, at this point, even breathing hurt. his throat felt narrow, too narrow, and it felt like it was closing up even more. he abruptly flung the jacket off his head, forcing himself to sit upright.

with the bright afternoon light streaming through the windows, his eyes struggled to stay open. one more sense down, but he pleaded to keep breathing. his whole body tingled; trembling hand reaching for his painkillers, only to realise they had been thrown away after his last attempt. everything suddenly intensified; the pounding headache felt like jackhammers against his skull. and his hands began to freeze as they instincitvely balled up by his sides.

"jinnie? hyunjin? are you okay? what's wrong?" hyunjin could vaguely hear a familiar voice by his side.

instinctively choking out, "i... i can't... breathe."

his body wracked with more coughs as he tried to send more oxygen to his lungs.

"shit... jaebeom hyung! come here! help!" the voice must have been jinyoung hyung.

hyunjin's limbs tensed by his side, completely unable to distance himself from his hyungs the way he wanted to. his vision spun whenever he opened his eyes to look at them, the frenzied look on their faces as they knelt down beside him. he didn't want this, hated it. he didn't need his friends to see how weak he was, how broken he was. how could he ever keep his persona intact again?

"hyunjin? can you hear me?" jinyoung gently tried.

hyunjin tried his best to acknowledge him, but all he could manage was a choked grunt as his response.

"okay, jinnie, follow my voice, okay? breathe in..." jinyoung's voice slowly faded out as all hyunjin could hear were his awful cries.

it was humiliating. and perhaps he shouldn't be focused on his image now. but he was humiliated. he couldn't even imagine the pity that his schoolmates would give him after this, finding out that their hwang hyunjin was truly so pathetic.

he could hear the muffled discussion of jinyoung and jaebeom near him, yet somehow, his ears just refused to take their voices in. he could barely even feel the way jaebeom was massaging his hands softly, coaxing his muscles to unclench.

"hyung, should we call his parents?" he heard jinyoung's soft voice.

immediately, hyunjin whimpered, "no. please."

startled, jinyoung seemed to face the trembling boy again, "jinnie? can you focus on us?"

hyunjin's left hand seemed to tighten around jinyoung's, as he habitually tried to dig his nails into his palm, his usual, to bring him back to reality. except, he couldn't feel the comforting stinging, instead, hearing jinyoung's soft wince beneath his obnoxious wails.

jaebeom breathed loudly by his side, and hyunjin's body thankfully took the invitation to follow. to hyunjin, it seemed to take forever before his voice went silent, and his breathing barely evened out.

"let's bring him to the nurse's office," jaebeom whispered, "is that okay, hyunjin?"

he wanted to say no. the thought of leaving the privacy of the room scared him. but a part of him trusted jinyoung. perhaps, more so than himself in that moment. the elder was responsible, so much more than he was, ever could be.

hyunjin nodded softly, head slacking against the wall. jinyoung held his shoulders tightly, attempting to help the younger stand. except, hyunjin immediately came crashing down onto the floor.

"hyung... i... i can't feel my legs," he barely choked out, breath hitching in his throat.

jaebeom rubbed his arm, "hey hey, don't worry about it, jin. we'll get you there."

both boys carried the half-asleep hyunjin into a wheelchair, that hyunjin had no idea when they had brought, and silently pushed him towards the office.

as soon as they stepped back into the school hallways, hyunjin tensed back up. this was the worst way his day could have gone. now everyone would see his slumped and useless self being escorted to the nurse's. his obviously ugly tear-streaked face and crumpled uniform was on display for all to see. but somehow, he was lulled back into dazed state, too tired to hide his face from the hushed whispers.

"jinnie! hyunjin!" he knew that voice, once loved that voice.

as if in a domino effect, he could see blurry figures stumble next to jinyoung who attempted to subdue their voices.

he couldn't be bothered. maybe they cared, maybe they didn't. his eyes drifting close, avoiding the harsh fluorescent light of the hallways.

"jinnie? you still here with us?" jinyoung was still holding his hand.

hyunjin's eyes flickered open slowly, and felt arms go around his waist to hoist him onto the nurse's bed. chan, the arms belonged to chan, his strong arms that were once warm and comforting to hyunjin.

"-don't know... found him... was having a panic attack," jaebeom's voice danced around in his ears.

a body sat next to his waist. chan, he knew that foresty scent by heart. one that used to envelop his senses when the elder held him tightly in between classes.

a hand carded through his messy locks. it had to be changbin. he knew the elder's habits of playing with his hair, the right amount of force that he liked to exert whenever he bothered hyunjin.

he wished he could have drifted to sleep, with his drooping eyelids and the waves of exhaustion. yet everytime his eyes drifted shut, the same voices appeared again, violently making themselves known.

he resorted to just laying there, dazily staring at the blinding fluorescent lights. he could hear the small whispers of chan and changbin behind him, still trading words with their hyungs.

he didn't know how long he had laid there, a dull throb in his chest as he tried to suppress the urge to cry again. his focus shifted to the ringing in his ears, and he barely registered chan and changbin leaving after one last glance at his paralysed form.

"hyunjin? how are you feeling?" jinyoung's smile was soft, as he sat by his bedside, replacing chan's hold.

hyunjin wanted to reply, mouth slowly opening to force out a statement. but nothing escaped, not a word, not a breath. his hands wouldn't even move to grab at jinyoung. all he could force out was a trembled smile of gratitude, a silent form of thanks for his help, a wish of happy birthday.

it made him feel terrible, being a burden on jinyoung's birthday. dampening what should've been a happy day for the elder. but with his warm smile, it somehow made him feel alright. and the voices didn't ever bring up the elder. jinyoung felt safe, always did. and the soft hums under his breath softened the harsh screams in his head. it was comfortable, and he was grateful. 

but multiple beeps echoed around the room, breaking the comfortable silence. it was hyunjin's phone, that chan had surprisingly dug up from his bag. just a glimpse at the lockscreen and he shut his eyes tightly.

he had known this was coming. the curious onlookers from before more than fueled the dread. yet he still felt the way the air left his lungs again as notifications appeared on his screen.

they ranged from daehwi's "hey... you okay? i'm always here to talk." to changbin's "are you feeling better? talk to us. so we can help."

it didn't make him feel any safer right now, and all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole and never resurface. he couldn't even imagine facing his schoolmates ever again. not after his breakdown. not after he ruined the image they had of him.

he hated these voices. they crept in at the worst times, and they ruined his life. piece by piece, word by word. he truly hated these voices.

**Author's Note:**

> i know this isn't completely the hurt/comfort that i promised (this is actually a second draft because i did in fact write a happy/happier ending one but i decided not to because i felt it was so abstract? like i couldn't see it happening, so it felt really detached). 
> 
> reminder: this is just author projecting! i know it's quite descriptive(?) i actually wrote this as a y/n and chan fic some time ago (so technically this is draft three haha) when i had my first public panic attack on jinyoung's birthday. that's why i thought it was a nice idea since nyeongie's live helped a lot that day tbh.
> 
> anyways, i do want to consider pursuing a changjin approach to this fic/series if i continue. what do y'all think? i feel like hyunjin does need someone on his side for once. and not from his other group of friends.
> 
> p.s. have you seen breath by got7? BOMB.


End file.
